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We've been friends with a woman, who has overcome numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. But, she has been repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. Several of her friends drifted away at that point, because they seemed drawn to the spouse. It shocked her. She put in more effort to be my friend, likely understood better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

In the time since, several in her circle vanished without her being sure why. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she had been highly competent, her exit happened unaware of why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, both of us retired leading to more each other more, but I am finding my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I start topics of conversation but she shifts them to things she cares about. Politically, she expresses unyielding views. I try to recommend factchecking and alternate views.

She is planning a trip to a country I have traveled to on several occasions and lived in for some time. I attempted to share advice, yet it was unappreciated. She essentially only wanted validation of her choices. I have come back from 30 days in that place she is eager to meet, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I don't want to act as a friend that walks away abruptly, however, I feel she will ever comprehend the impact of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, I am in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Possible Paths

One option is to end things abruptly, but it is rarely a smooth outcome that we desire. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of resolution requires bravery and openness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one requires explaining how things go when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear like an unbiased account. The second involves sharing her how it makes you feel. This allows for no argument about this. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Step three is to ask how you are both will alter the interaction in your relationship."

Remember she too holds perspectives, thus requiring you to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say her:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

It's remarkably successful to encourage understanding.

Closing Considerations

This person might reject your concerns, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a story about themselves they won't abandon since their identity is tied to it and it's all they've known. This is difficult because there's no clear path in such cases, just dead ends. But she may start out like this then consider your perspective. And even if you don't achieve an agreement, you'll have satisfaction that you've been truthful.